smithismyrealname.com

Grilling in the Dark

Excerpts from an Unfinished Detective Story:

He was a chalk outline waiting for a place to happen.

I had roused myself and gotten ready extra-early that morning. A four o'clock shadow now covered my face like cigarette ashes on a dinner plate.

"As much as I hate my life," she said over her shoulder, "I hate your life even more."

I began to think I had a clue, and the clue was that my name was not on a big oversized check. Ed McMahon was not standing in my flower bed, smiling.

The striped tiger cat froze on the countertop, blending chameleon-like with the toaster oven and a stack of unpaid bills.

Scott McClellan Rats Out Katie Couric

New York, NY -- Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan continued his series of snitchy revelations Thursday by totally busting embattled CBS News anchor Katie Couric.

In his just-published book What Happened: The Culture of Blindingly Obvious Deception, Mr. McClellan alleges the perky yet vivacious former Today Show star had extensive cosmetic surgery performed on her legs in 1991, including silicone calf implants.

"Katie's famous gams are not 'naturals' although many people still find them appealing," Mr. McClellan writes. "She is also a terrible tipper and never contributes to the office coffee fund."

"I still like and admire Katie Couric," he continued, "but I guess she can be kind of mean sometimes."

Miley Cyrus Autobiography Only Twelve Pages Long

New York, NY -- Split-personality teen idol Miley Cyrus elicited a huge squeal of delight from her young fans yesterday by announcing her forthcoming autobiography.

The seven-figure book deal—a stunning contract for a 15-year-old entertainer's memoir—rocked the publishing world as well as the Hannah Montana star's ardent admirers.

In a groundbreaking departure from normal conventions, the entire Miley Cyrus life story fills only twelve pages in the oversized hard cover volume, and most of those pages are blank.

"We paid top dollar," said Disney-Hyperion Books editor Donna Tagliani, "but we saved money by not hiring a ghostwriter. Miley told the story in her own words."