New York, NY -- The current global economy is tough, and soon to be tougher than your mother's broiled flank steak.
Formerly prosperous wage earners are joining the millions of traditionally penniless paupers who -- in some cases, for generations -- have been deprived of life's necessities.
Well-established destitute Americans are now voicing their concerns about the dramatic increase of recently impoverished citizens.
"This is my appliance carton cardboard hut," said career hobo Chester Baxter of Manhattan, NY. "No room for more. Hop a train and get the hell outta here!"
"Panhandling and recycling are hard enough without extra competition," Mr. Baxter continued. "Damn it -- if too many people give blood, my income is gonna drop even more."
Experts on sociological stereotypes insist the majority of beggars, bums, and homeless people live in poverty because of personal preference.
"Most of them are alcoholics, drug users, insane, or just plain lazy," said Dr. Diane Reba Guzman, Dean of Socializing and Socialism Studies at CUNY's Hunter College. "I mean, seriously, why else would you want to live like that?"
Mr. Baxter, a retired New York City councilman, refuted Dr. Guzman's characterization.
"I'm a social drinker," he said while stuffing a crumpled Wall Street Journal into his tattered Members Only jacket. "Society depresses me, so I drink."
Scandals are causing the financial ruin of other, more high-profile political figures, particularly the soon to be unemployed governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich. The embattled Mr. Blagojevich faces new allegations involving attempts to trade his future food stamps for cigarettes and alcohol.
Similarly, disgraced former New York governor Eliot Spitzer was seen standing at a Long Island Expressway onramp, holding a cardboard sign bearing the message: Will Blog for Food.
Closely connected to the political landscape, the recently struggling pornography industry is asking for a $5 billion federal bailout. Video producers, directors, technical crew, and onscreen talent warn that the Government's failure to invest could force many professionals onto the streets.
"I suppose I could find room for a few more around here," Mr. Baxter admitted.
