Special Report -- I'm not religious. As far as I'm concerned, everything turns to dust sooner or later. Redemption should be found in one's own natural lifetime. I think.
It's not like I lack a moral center though. I know right from wrong. Life is not about accumulating poker chips of goodwill and waiting to cash them in on Judgment Day. Spend your winnings now, and wisely.
We live in the Pre-Post-Apocalyptic Era. Is the End of Days coming? Is it happening now? Pick a theory and there is probably evidence to support it -- the same clues often validate coincident yet contrary points of view. No shit.
I diligently monitor world events, looking for indicators that fit together into the delicate puzzle that will reveal Armageddon's time, date, and zip code. My research is not a hobby, unless by "hobby" you mean "freakish obsession." If I painted my analyses onto grains of rice -- now that would be a hobby.
Whenever former Soviet republics take a pop at each other, or Nicolas Sarkozy says almost anything in his charming French accent, or there's a U.S. presidential election, I get all jittery and jazzy. It feels like my very nose hair is vibrating.
That's just me. I believe in a causal-based end to life-as-we-know-it. Other students of disaster examine ancient scripts, scrolls, or scriptures and see a pattern of inevitability. An intersection of final reckoning. A metric of pay-up time.
The pre-Columbian Mayan calendar, for example, runs out on 12/21/2012. This advanced antediluvian empire demonstrated amazing powers of prescience that correctly anticipated many natural disasters and historical events.
Mayan priests even foresaw their civilization's overthrow at the hands of ruthless Spanish conquistadors, but the prediction came only ten minutes before the Spaniards' invasion. That's still pretty good.
Various calendars from China also name 12/21/2012 as checkout time. This creeps me out. I don't think those ancient guys were talking to the other ancient guys, so how could they know? One of the old-timey Chinese scholars tried to use his prophetic power to pick a winning lottery ticket, but money for the payoff had not yet been invented.
On the other hand, Nostradamus is over-rated. "I foresee that at some time in the future, something exciting and amazing will happen." Awesome insight. As profound and accurate as The Weather Channel.
So there I was yesterday, salt-curing some mole bacon and working on my solar-powered crystal radio receiver, when it hit me.
December 21, 2012 comes six weeks after Election Day in the United States. I think I've now guessed who would appear as the Whore of Babylon. She broke my heart but I can't stop loving her.
Losing an election is not the end of the world. But winning one could be.
