Clintons Decline Obama Secretary Position

Washington, DC -- Senator Hillary Clinton and her husband, former President Bill Clinton, on Friday rejected President-Elect Barack Obama's offer to join his nascent administration.

A source close to the Clintons but not in a creepy way said the Senator and Ex-President were "disappointed" and "a little sick" to discover Mr. Obama had asked Ms. Clinton to be his secretary.

According to the source, who requested anonymity due to the insensitive nature of the information, the Clinton's highly touted "buy one, get two" appeal was limited to Ms. Clinton transcribing briefing notes in the Oval Office and Mr. Clinton making photocopies downstairs.

The Clintons read a short statement during a brief news conference in the nation's capital, for the most part finishing each other's sentences.

"We respect and admire the President-Elect and wish him well," they said, "but we are unable to serve as part of his team at this time."

"The truth is," the Clintons continued, "we've got big plans -- like expanding our legacy and doing a lot of fundraising -- and a new job would have to be snazzy enough to make us want to set aside our dreams."

Despite the Clintons' candor, Mr. Obama's transition team staff sought to downplay the story.

"Bill Clinton back in the White House?" said a senior advisor. "That would be like setting a fox loose in a chicken coop that's stocked with chicken jerky and Purina Fox Chow."