Miley Cyrus Fires Disney

Burbank, CA -- Ultra-cute pop idol Miley Cyrus responded forcefully to persistent criticisms of her lifestyle and career choices -- by throwing Disney Studios out of the entertainment business.

Ms. Cyrus, refusing to speak directly to reporters, announced her intentions Wednesday during a four-minute clip released directly onto the popular YouTube site.

The elaborately staged and choreographed music video/pink slip, titled Miley Cyrus and the Seven Deadly Sins, is an enchanting romp through a magical kingdom of singing, dancing, recrimination, regret, and tedious exit interviews.

"We're watching a little girl grow up," said industry observer and soft child-porn advocate Dennis Delaplane of Mission Hills, CA. "Miley has evolved from innocent cutie, to bad girl cutie, to tough bitch cutie. The only thing that could stop her now is a serious eating disorder or conversion to an obscure religious sect."

YouTube reports their system is "stressed but holding up reasonably well" under the burden of nearly two billion hits as of Thursday morning. Despite these impressive viewing figures, a majority of the world's population couldn't give a rat's ass.

California-based Walt Disney Studios is one of the nation's largest entertainment empires, enjoying success based on family-friendly themes and iconic but worn out cartoon characters. Ms. Cyrus's decisive action appears to have caught the multimedia giant off guard.

"It seemed like we were doing our job and getting along with Miley," said Disney senior spokesdwarf, Obvious. "Now we're hurt, angry, and confused. We'd like to punch her in the throat but she is just so damned cute."

Tensions between Ms. Cyrus and Disney had been escalating for months amid rumors of the teen phenom agreeing to appear in a cheesy cinematic adaptation of a cheesy Nicholas Sparks novel, and as a young Carrie Bradshaw in the highly anticipated Sex and the City prequel, Heavy Petting and the City.

Ms. Cyrus's puberty-fueled adolescent behavior becomes more irrational each day. Stories continue to swirl regarding late night cross-country airplane flights to pick up falafel sandwiches, shrill verbal assaults on personal staff when cell phone batteries die in the middle of texting, and beating up hobos.

Disney reported over a zillion dollars in corporate earnings last year, thanks in large part to its overpriced amusement parks, direct-to-DVD releases of amateurish shorts derived from its classic features, and by successfully prosecuting thousands of Pacific Rim manufacturers that violate copyright and licensing agreements.

Facing unemployment and an uncertain future, the studio may have no choice but to liquidate its tangible assets.

"We'll have to sell out everything to the walls," said Obvious. "Office fixtures, film archives, production equipment -- all of it, and massive layoffs as well. Losing a job is tough to face, even more so during these troubled times."

"Dwarves, fairies, enchanted mice, talking crickets, and pixies," he continued. "It's always the little people who get hurt."