The Associated Press vs. Everybody Else

New York, NY -- The most recognized icon of all news gathering organizations made number one in the pool of Internet communications last week.

The Associated Press (AP) sent a letter to the stylistically-challenged left wing blog Drudge Retort and demanded site owner Rogers Cadenhead's removal of boring quotations sourced from AP stories.

Additionally, the AP made clear to all and sundry it would charge fees every time its copyrighted material is excerpted, alluded to, or dreamed about.

Bloggers around the world expressed their outrage about the AP's action by using strong words, street-smart wisdom, and merciless quoting.

"I'm not afraid of the AP," wrote seasoned blogger Dan Wurst of St. Louis, Missouri. "In fact, I say and do anything I want on the Web—that's what it's there for."

"Pay them for quotes?" he continued, "Hell, I don't even pay for high-speed Internet access. I just mooch it from the free Wi-Fi service here at Starbucks."

According to the Associated Press, however, the blogosphere's defiant reaction is of little consequence. The company insists it will continue to operate according to the same standards practiced since its inception in the fifteenth century shortly after Johannes Gutenberg invented the movable type printing press.

Furthermore, the mighty news agency said it would take action against bloggers who use any and all English language words, including place names and other proper nouns, that also appear in AP news stories.

An uncredited AP source refuted theories the venerable media powerhouse decided on its aggressive copyright enforcement tactics because it has watched its influence shrink in recent years due to competition from the Internet.

The source also warned that the act of quoting his remarks would carry with it the likelihood of a lawsuit.