Rush Limbaugh Survives Dancing with the Stars
Los Angeles, CA -- In an ironic twist to "Operation Chaos," syndicated talk-radio jerk Rush Limbaugh narrowly escaped defeat while competing on the highly popular TV reality show Dancing with the Stars.
"I've been dancing my entire life," the corpulent yet hefty pundit told the show's host, Tom Bergeron. "Dodging military service, flunking college, drug abuse charges, three divorces—you don't survive all of that without learning some fancy footwork."
Dancing with the Stars features neo-celebrities teamed with professional dancers in a spirited display of stamina, coordination, and extremely cheesy yet sexy costumes. Participants are awarded the combined votes of judges and home viewers.
Mr. Limbaugh's results Tuesday night were sufficient to negate his fan base's inexplicably contrary decision to support the popular but injured Chilean actor Christian De la Fuente and former Olympic figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi.
In much the same way that "Operation Chaos" urged Republican voters to switch their party affiliations, vote for Hillary Clinton, and prolong the contentious Democratic Primary process, Mr. Limbaugh's followers cast ballots for his opponents in the mistaken belief that a close-run competition would encourage the dancers' self-destruction.
"I love my fans," said the 57-year-old gasbag conservative commentator, "but they can be pretty stupid sometimes. Most of them are missing the critical gene that is responsible for rational thought."
"Well, that South American guy tore a tendon in his arm last week," Milwaukee, WI dittohead Lloyd Chestnut said after the show, "so we thought we were, you know, breaking him down a little bit. We figured if we voted for the weaker dancer it would keep the rest of them fighting each other instead of their going after Rush."
The surprisingly agile Mr. Limbaugh had already won the respect and admiration of Dancing with the Stars' regulars, despite his biased, bombastic, and nearly non-stop blathering.
"Rush's heart may be a burned-out blackened husk of hate," said judge Carrie Ann Inaba, "but he has the soul of a dancer as well as really great feet."
"He moves with a lot of speed and grace considering he's such a big bloated sack of toxic pus," Ms. Inaba added.
