Cost of Reporting High Gas Prices Climbs Higher

Houston, TX -- Fuel costs continue to spiral upward and consumers' tender bits are feeling the vise-like pinch of related economic distress.

"Americans have the right to believe they have the right to pay unsustainably low gas prices," President George W. Bush said during his recent visit to Saudi Arabia. "Our media is obligated to tirelessly remind the public just how awful things really are."

"Things don't seem so terrible today," Mr. Bush added, "if someone constantly tells you it will be even worse tomorrow."

Although high gasoline prices create financial burdens for strapped commuters, and diesel's escalating bottom line directly affects the supermarket checkout line, other industries are also reeling from the current crisis.

Local and national news sources find themselves understaffed and under-budgeted in their never-ending efforts to report on blindingly obvious rate hikes.

"Our costs are skyrocketing, too," said Omaha, NE WLLL-TV news manager Tom Beckett, "We are paying so much for fuel and overtime we have no choice but to pass it on to consumers. The only practical means of raising revenue is to air more infomercials."

"Sure, it's bad out there," Mr. Beckett continued. "but if we don't tell our viewers how bad it is, how will they know?"

Field reporters approach total exhaustion as they struggle under the burden of inanely repetitious interviews, asking customers to express how they feel about each and every calamitous jump in prices.

At the same time, videographers are working twelve hour shifts shooting images of gas station price signage, covering hundreds of miles per day in their rugged, capacious TV vans and SUVs.

"My favorite shot is the one where I'm resting the camera on the curb, inches away from the tires of passing motorists," said video jockey Kurt Crewe of WLLL, "then I tilt it upwards to show the ominous-looking price sign. You really have to give people a visual. God, I'm tired."

Network news organizations are also under intense pressure. Experts and talking heads can't keep up with the burgeoning demand as developing nations like India and China put incredible strains on present reserves of forecasters, motormouths, and windbags.

"Unless we develop alternative punditry sources—and quickly," said recently promoted CNN senior analyst Lindsay Dreyfus, 17, of Houston, TX, "the industrialized world will run out of opinionated commentary by the year 2025. That would, like, totally suck."