Obama Apologizes for Vanity Fair Cover

Indianapolis, IN -- Democratic presidential frontrunner Senator Barack Obama expressed regret Monday for his provocative photos published in the June issue of Vanity Fair magazine.

The Illinois Senator insisted Annie Leibovitz's photography was "tasteful and artistic," but he admitted he "got caught up in the moment" and "couldn't remember every teeny tiny detail."

"It doesn't matter what I say or do," said the charismatic 46-year-old civil rights attorney, who wore little more than a satin sheet and a smile for the pictorial spread. "All you people want to do is hate on me anyway."

In just a few short months, Mr. Obama has evolved from inspirational underdog to bona fide contender. Although his campaign's viability has blossomed, its various gaffes, missteps, and screw-ups have threatened to undermine the Illinois wunderkind's White House bid.

"You can't stay mad at me," Mr. Obama added. "This face, these eyes, this voice—I'm the candidate of your dreams."

Despite earnest attempts to stay on message and hear his own mellifluous voice drone on and on, Mr Obama's campaign has stumbled into a "killing zone" of allegations, innuendo, and tattling—far worse than the uproar caused by his feisty former pastor, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

Over the past few weeks, Mr. Obama has endured accusations of causing U.S. gasoline retail prices to creep towards $4.00 per gallon, having impregnated almost three dozen polygamist sect teen girls in Texas, and leaving the seat up after using the toilet.

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Senator John McCain admitted he had not seen Mr. Obama's controversial magazine cover images.

"Yes, we all know my friend is a handsome man," said Mr. McCain. "The question is, when will Senator Obama stop lying about not eating babies?"

Mr. McCain has been enjoying a free ride thanks to the rancorous and protracted Democratic Primary contest, but his ability to win the general election remains unclear.

A recent ABC News/Farmers' Almanac poll of 1,486 eligible voters reports that 63% are "bored with or disgusted by" the drawn-out campaign for the Democratic nomination.

Nearly three quarters (74%) of all Americans believe Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are the only candidates for the U.S. presidency, and that Mr. McCain is "just some creepy old guy."