Special Report -- I want to become more self-sufficient. My pathetic reliance on monetary systems, corporate structures, and people wears me down. How many times daily is it normal to vomit? Monday through Friday, I drive (I hate my commute) to work (I hate my job) to win approval (I hate emotional dependency) and get paid money (I like that part).
Why can't I stay home and let the money simply show up in my bank account? Better yet, why can't I just stay in a better home? Somewhere nice.
In our culture, "unemployment" is an ugly word. I prefer "disemployment." Some of you will judge me and say I am lazy or weak, but you're just haters. When I become disemployed I'll be working harder than ever before!
To begin with, there's my research. Collecting data and composing my notes takes time, okay? There are surveys, projections, analyses—important stuff. What I would be able to accomplish without the miracle of the Internet, I cannot even begin to imagine.
I have other resources, of course, including paid informants, high-speed cameras, slush funds, intimidation, and blackmail. Great tools, granted, but search engines enable me to find the facts (or something close enough) that support my assertions; information that is conveniently accessible by my laptop as I sit in a rental car outside your home late at night.
In addition to all of that, I want to set up my new financial institution, which will work closely with my new energy resource. The energy resource's organization is very complicated and probably too hard for you to understand, but synergistic benefits will be gained by combining my natural gas, electricity, and gasoline suppliers all into one single entity. It's only a monopoly when you do it to make money from other people, silly.
Here's how it works: by creating my own bank and energy provider, I will be the vendor and the customer. My marketing campaigns will be quite effective because I already know what I like. If I get bored or angry, I can lower interest rates and raise gas prices. Every time I screw myself by purchasing my overpriced products and/or services I will also make out like a bandit. It's kind of like economic masturbation but less personal.
Although in my own way and in my own mind I am sort of a superman, it's important to have downtime, too. Just because I'll be disemployed doesn't mean I can't take a break. Ever since my family left me I've had a lot more—flexibility—in my schedule; at the same time it's amazing how I can get involved in a project and suddenly realize twelve or thirteen hours have passed. That's exactly what happens when other people aren't bothering you with constant, rude, whiny demands for your attention, like "what happened to the car" or "the dog bit me again" or "why don't you answer me when I talk to you."
Is there a downside? I don't see it! If the world continues its pre-apocalyptic spiral for a while (we'll know better after the November elections, right?) then I will be in a great position to maintain my ultra-self-sufficiency. Tibet, Iraq, Iran, Abu Dhabi—the spark could be struck in any of these trouble spots, sooner or later. Likewise, if the end of civilization occurs in a time frame closer to my earlier projections, then I'm set, too. I will have laid a perfect foundation of compacted ash upon which to build my new Utopia.
