Washington, DC -- GOP presidential hopeful Senator John McCain refuted recent allegations of an inappropriate relationship he was purported to have had with an attractive lobbyist. An article appearing in The New York Times suggests that Mr. McCain's liaisons with corporate coquette Vicki Iseman upset the Senator's close advisors who then repeatedly warned their boss to back off. An angry Mr. McCain was quick to angrily deny the newspaper's charges.
"This makes me angry," Senator McCain said angrily, "but it is obviously a ploy devised by my enemies to undermine my resurgent campaign and possibly cause my brain to explode in anger. Let me make it clear to all of my Republican, Democrat, and North Vietnamese foes: their despicable plan will not succeed. Although my head looks like it will explode at any moment, my friends, I assure you it will not."
"In fact," the angry 97-year-old Arizona Senator continued, "if the article in The Times is true, this kind of provocative, steamy story would actually help my campaign, but it isn't, so it doesn't. Stories about me whoring around with hot younger women would only serve as examples of my vigor and potency, making me a more desirable presidential candidate. If the stories were true. But they're not."
Although Senator McCain has inexplicably created for himself the persona of a maverick reformer untouched by influence peddlers, the GOP frontrunner's political history is best characterized as opportunistic. Experienced Congressional observers suggest that McCain's alleged behavior followed "time-honored Senate tradition", and that "sexing up lobbyists is closely woven into the fabric of legislative procedures and processes".
"At least if he's doing it, he's doing it with attractive adult women, not minors or other men," said retired insider trader J. Daniel Dennis. "If you're not going to do something bad, it should definitely be with someone hot."
Senator McCain's past history of promiscuity and extramarital affairs seems to support these newest and rather inconveniently timed revelations. It will be up to the news media and Internet bloggers to tell American voters what to think of the whole sordid issue.
"Look," an exasperated Senator McCain said angrily, "I'm incredibly fortunate to be married to a beautiful and rich woman. I love my wife, and I love America. I don't have 'love affairs'. It's just about the sex."
LOLZ This made me laugh.
Posted by: Blu | September 17, 2008 at 11:53 PM